User blog:THEJJRAT/Bkog 3
"Who are you?" He asked. The silence ran away, but MARK-6 followed it. They both followed the creature, but it fled into an old Nazi bunker. MARK-6 tried to open it. "Allow me." Said the Doctor, who suddenly appeared. He used his sonic screwdriver to open the door. "I've been after him for awhile." He remarks.The door opens, and Hitler, Stalin, and Fegelein are playing poker inside. "Oh, Doctor, please, come in!" Hitler said, remembering when the Doctor saved him. "Oh, hello! Have you seen..." Doctor suddenly remembered that this was the silence, they wouldn't remember. "The old ship captain that talks about faceless people? In the basement." Fegelein says. The Doctor, confused, goes to the basement with MARK-6 and Rum-p'ta. There was an old man eating fishsticks and jacking off to Justin Bieber magazines there. He seem relieved when he saw the Doctor. "Hello Doctor." He said as he hid his mags. "Hello! Have you seen.." "The cunts in there." He said, pointing to a wardrobe. The Doctor, hesitating, went to open the door, Mark and Rum following. Inside was darkness, but the Doctor felt something wet slither up his leg. "whAt the bludrh hel" he screamed and fell. MARK-6 turned on his flashlight built into his single eye. The room had grey walls, and the ground was covered in black slimy tentacles. There were multiple completely white skinned and faceless suited men around the room, with the Silent hiding behind one. "Get fucked,this is our room." They said in unison. Rum-p'ta was startled. "I've never seen this species before..." The Doctor said under his breathe, grinning. Most of the creatures had tentacles on their backs, except two. One had tentacles on his nuts, and one had none at all. "They be slendermen." Explained the captain. "Shut up, Greaser. You promised not to tell." Said a slenderman. "Then you shouldn't have taken my Bieber mags and burned them." He replied. "That's not even the name of our species, fuckface." A creature wearing a thong on his face said. "Do you have something to do with the Flood?" Asked MARK-6, brandishing his plasma cutter. Captain Greaser flipped off the creatures and took a bite of a fried fish stick and went over to the corner and mumbled to himself. "The who?" The same creature asked. "Enylaska suckska, Offenderman." The creature in the middle, who seemed like the leader, said in an unknown language. Offenderman stood down. The creature turned to MARK-6, and slowly grew a mouth from his white skin. It was a black hole, filled with gushing black slime and black teeth. "We know nothing of the Flood. We came here to save ourselves." "OK then." Said MARK-6, lowering the plasma cutter. "What are you doing with the Silence?" Asked the doctor, pointing him out. Captain Greaser finished his food. "Dammit! Now I'm gonna haveta ordah some damn fish sticks..." he said and stomped on the ground. "Because we adopted him. The Silents are endangered, and they are useful to my agenda." "You do know that the Silence are criminals, what agenda would you use them for that I should not stop you doing?" asked the Doctor. "You should know by now Doctor, every species deserves a chance." The creature grabbed the Doctor by the throat with his tentacles and highered him in the air, "And if you know any better you will help us and the Silent to get back to Earth." "Why?" Choked out the Doctor. MARK-6 and Rum-p'ta readied for battle. All of their weapons malfunctioned, and they were jumped by Deadhead and Kate, two of his proxies, and restrained. "Because you don't want a species as old as human kind to go extinct." The Doctor nodded, and the slenderman put him down. The Doctor lead them to his box as Captain Greaser flipped them off one last time "I'll miss them assholes a little." He muttered as they closed the door behind them. Hitler, Shrek, and Rumpta went with them. Mark stayed on Drugia to fight the Flood. As they left, Mark-6 waved goodbye just before killing an infected necromorph. Harry had finished slaughtering the flood and was eating crumpets with Superman. And Batman was getting a blowjob from Catwoman. "What are Slendermen?" Shrek asked. "Something you can't comprehend." Said the Operator, another Slenderman. Shrek felt intimidated, something that rarely happened. Suddenly, a wasp flew up Shrek's ass hole. "AAAHH!" he screamed, this scared the slendermen. "What's wrong?" asked Rum-p'ta. Shrek ran around in circles, but soon became a pot of lasagna. "Why?!" Screamed Rum-p'ta in shock. The slenders gathered around the lasagna, seeming like they had seen this happen before. "It's a red curse wasp, a servant of evil dickery. Kill it!" Said offenderman. The slenders tried to catch it. The Operator stood still, as he had no tentacles. The rest spread their spaghetti back arms to try to catch the wasp. After four minutes, they caught the wasp and put in a jar full of chloroform. They stared at the wasp for 7 minutes before lighting the chloroform with a match. The tall faceless men discussed with each other with telepathy before turning back to the lasagna. "We must heal this man from the curse." Said operator. The slendermen formed a circle, their tentacles wriggled. They chanted and soon the lasagna turned back into Shrek. Shrek was still screaming in whale language. He was covered in semen. "Was that you, Offenderman?" Asked the Operator, chuckling in a mild British accent. Offenderman blushed while the others went Tut Tut Tut. The Doctor had a disgusted look on his face, he muttered gallifreyan swears. Shrek was wearing a mask made of whale semen. He proceeded to give the Doctor a blow job. Rum-p'ta hid his face with his hands, he didn't want to see. The slenders stared on. Shrek blew his load. Suddenly, the TARDIS hit something. The Doctor looked outside the door, and apparently a giant cough drop was attacking them. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at it, but nothing much happened. "Slenderman, what the fuck is this?" He asks. "He isn't here. But that's a Vortex Caughian." Trenderman said. "What the fuck is a caughian?" Asked Shrek, pretending to not eat an onion. "A species of cough drops u penis" "Whaddya say laddeh?" Shrek turned around to the origin of the insult, Offenderman. Shrek punched him in the face then though him into the TARDIS roof, Shrek still felt grateful for what the slendermen did, so he went easy on Offenderman. The slendermen looked on, they did not intervene because this was inevitable. The Doctor and Rum-p'ta contemplated the cough drop. Offenderman ripped Shrek's thicc penis off and scalloped it "No! No violence in my TARDIS!" Yelled the doctor. Offenderman stopped immediately. "If you want me to help you, you must play nice. Fix Shrek up!" Said the Doctor, Hitler was by his side to back him up. The slendermen made a circle, chanted, and Shrek's rod was good as new. Suddenly, Tito Dick appeared. The slendermen seemed to be wary of Tito. "Tito! Long time no see laddeh!" Said shrek. "How did you get on my ship?" Asked the doctor. "Used my Tito Dickman powers, virgin." He said and thrusted into the air. Hitler seemed awed by Tito. Tito & Shrek gave each other a high five. Suddenly, Hitler twerked and pooped out a kyber crystal. Hitler held the miracle with both hands. Tito went to study it. "It has yo eyes nigga" "Are we on Earth yet?" Asked the silence. The Doctor started looking at the TARDIS computer screen. "No, we've just been fucking around." They had landed on a planet named Yomamaland. The Doctor was confused, he'd never been here before. Rum-p'ta cautiously walked out the TARDIS. They didn't take long to notice that it was populated by fat mothers, technobeasts, xenomorphs, and the Yuuzhan Yong. Offenderman thought it would be funny to flip off a passing yuuzhan Yong, thus was a mistake. As Offenderman was chased by the other worldly creatures, the Doctor found a lone Ood with a pet Silentium. "Hello there." Said the Doctor. the ood said hi in response, but was scared off by Shrek. Suddenly, the Doctor checked the date on his sonic screwdriver. It was twenty years after the Vong invaded the Star Wars galaxy. They were extinct. He tried to get to the bottom of this and headed out to find the king of the planet. "Shrek, can you teleport me to the king of this planet?" Asked the Doctor. "If I knew where he is." Said Shrek. "I can tell you." Said the ood. "But only if you fetch me the finest chopped doritos in the galaxy." "Rum-p'ta!" Shouted Shrek. "Yes?" "Do you trumpians have Doritos?" "Of course." "Do you have any on you?" "Yes." "Can you give me some?" Rum-p'ta gave Shrek the Doritos, but they weren't chopped. Shrek smAcked them with his ass, they were now chopped. The ood consumed the doritos, he was grateful because they were good. "He is in the bathroom of the local Pizza Hut." "Where's that exactly?" Asked the Doctor. He shrugged and disappeared. The Doctor got annoyed as fuck, out of anger he caused a passing ant to explode by pointing his screwdriver at it. "Don't get mad, we'll find him." Said Operator. Rum-p'ta and Hitler decided to find other people to ask for directions. Suddenly, a xenomorph said "Shrek is dreck." "Hell to the no, to the no no no. Yeah, no no, to the no no, to the no no, yeahhh, heeelllll to the no no." Shrek sang. The xenomorph called Shrek drek again and started running away. This only tempted Shrek. Trenderman send his proxies (Deathhead, Kate, and Firebrand) to find directions. Shrek stayed calm. He was trying to stay non violent for at least a month. Shrek ran after the xenomorph drecker. Shrek was still calm as he ran. When he finally got to the xenomorph he had a calm discussion about his feelings and tried to reconcile with the drecker xenomorph. The xenomorph just called him a fatherfucker. Shrek sighed He slapped the alien and said "No, bad alien!" The xenomorph stabbed Shrek in the pancreas with its tail. Meanwhile Kate got a lead on the Kings location. "He's North, near a mountain of lead scraps." They were speaking with telepathy, so everyone heard this. Shrek left the xenomorph alone and flew to the area. They all got in the TARDIS and chaotically flew North, the TARDIS was not aerodynamic. Suddenly, Papa Acachalla appeared in the TARDIS. Shrek was uncertain, as was Rum-p'ta. "Hello there! ...another hitchhiker... " Said the Doctor in a grave and annoyed tone.. "I'm PAPA ACACHALLA!" Offenderman's tentacles twitched alot. "How exactly did you get on my ship? Do you have powers like Tito?" Asked the Soctor. "No, I was just watchin' the game when Billy came up to me, and was sayin' stuff like 'Papa, you're turning invisible!' or somethin'." The bald man wielding a Winchester rifle said. "That means someone was fucking around with my TARDIS, my sexy thing." Muttered the Doctor, gollum-like. "Well, y'all got any fried chicken?" "Yes." Said the Doctor. "Well can I have some? I need something to please my belleh." He asked. "No, all mine." Said the Doctor, protecting the chicken. Trenderman slapped him "don't be a greedy cunt;" admonished Trenderman. "Youre the one who wears crocs faggot" "Why I'd never" Trenderman attacked the doctor while Papa ate the chicken. Suddenly, the TARDIS crash landed into the bathroom and killed seven civilians. "Oh no, the fuzz." Said Tito. The police arrived to save the king. Shrek went after king to ask him things. Trenderman caught the king's leg with his tentacles as Tito was firing at the police with uzis. "I don't think this is appropriate behavior." Said Rum-p'ta. Shrek and the Doctor interrogated the king. "Why are the Yuuzhang Gong here?!" The Doctor yelled. "They're extinct!" "We're a safe house planet!" "A what?" "A reservation." Said the king. "A what?!" "You want your species to survive?! Call us!" "The silence...." Thought Trenderman. "We have a endangered species." Said Trenderman. "Well, how much are you willing to pay?" Hitler presented the kyber crystal. "That'll do." The king said. A tear left Hitler's eye as it was taken away. He made a mental note to hire the Payday gang to steal it later. The silence left the TARDIS to explore it's new home. Strange tall creatures appeared, creating egg-like bubbles into the air made of the Silent's DNA. The slendermen watched, as did the others. Tito wanted to shout rape but decided not to. The bubbles turned into more silent ones. They soon turned into eggs. The mysterious creatures planted them into the ground. "Well now that's done. Let's go back." Said Shrek. Suddenly, Shrek died. The Doctor pointed his screwdriver at Shrek and it restarted his heart. Shrek puked up the remains of Rum-p'ta from the future Rum-p'ta had a mental breakdown. He started phasing in and out of existence, "Hejdbsjejb". "What have you done!?" Shouted Rum-p'ta."Oops" Shrek said and dispensed a chicken out of his arse." Why the fuck would you eat me?" Asked Rum-p'ta to Shrek. "I can't remember..." "To the TARDIS!" Yelled the doctor. The TARDIS had been eaten by a Sarlaac pit. The slendermen tortured it until it gave back the TARDIS. The slendermen kept stabbing it with their tentacles. Everyone was awed that the slendermen could torture a creature as powerful as a sarlaac. Sarlaac weren't very sentient, so they didn't give a shite, however. Everyone turned to Tito with imploring eyes, maybe he could help. "I'll teleport!" He said. "I can do that as well. We'll both teleport in to the TARDIS and fly it out." Added Shrek. Tito preformed his teleporting ritual. He kidnapped a child, sacrificed it to Aka Manah, twerked, and then disappeared. Shrek followed, and they were both in the TARDIS. "Who's driving?" Asked Shrek. "Yo mamma" Tito says and laughs his ass off. Eventually they figured out how to drive the TARDIS, and drove out the sarlaac. After that Shrek threw bad onions in the sarlaac to punish it. Suddenly, a temmie appears. "hoi" Shrek braces for impact. Suddenly, Big Smoke crash landed into the TARDIS doors. "I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda." "We ain't a fucking restaurant pal." Said Shrek. "I'll have 2 numbah nines, one whit cheese" he repeated. Shrek wondered if he should punch him. Big Smoke smacked Shrek. Shrek, begging for mercy, started to find the TARDIS kitchen . There, he took a pan and threw it on the stove. He poured in some olive flour so that it would completely fill the pot and threw in some onions, raw chicken, butter, and vegetable oil. He threw in some geth circuits for extra flavour. He grabbed a bag of McDonald's burgers and friend fries and dropped them into the pot. He then dropped in some human flesh, cow poop, and ghoul flesh. He then grabbed a giant deathclaw egg, cracked it, and let the whites and yoke fall into the pot. He then carefully mixed it while throwing in some bottled human semen. He then dropped in some raw spaghetti noodles. This was his first dish to complete, he had to complete more though. Shrek gave that dish to Big Smoke, then began the second one. He got a pot made of lead and put in water and rice pasta, he then added crystal meth, thyme, khat, tomato's and trumpian onions. He put this all in a bowl made of bread and garnished it with sugar fried with honey. He put a Slender page on it for extra spookiness. Smoke had already set up a table and was wearing a bib and wielding two forks. Shrek slid it onto the table and went to cook the next batch. He took a pack of ramen and threw them in a pot of boiling water. He then threw in some rare herbs picked from Tau Volantis. He dropped in some molten gold and uranium and poured it in the pot, and threw in a cow penis for an added chewiness. He poured in a can of gold coins as well. He got a bowl made of tin and made marijuana bread dough, he put it in the oven. He sliced the bread and garnished it with ash from burnt Bibles. He also made a magic mushroom soup to go with it. He threw the two dishes onto Smoke's table and them ejaculated into a bowl for the next dish. He added to this ejaculate magnesium shavings and cinnamon. He then covered it with vodka and light it. He grabbed some Slender tentacles from a cooler. He put it on a chopping board and finely chopped it. He got out a frying pan and put some butter on it, and then threw in the chopped tentacles. The temmie had also prepared bowl of temflakes for Big Smoke. Big smoke ate all the food in 36 minutes. 9 "Ahhh, fine dining." Big Smoke said and rubbing his green shirted belly. Shrek rushed to give him the tentacles. He pushed them into his mouth. Shrek was slightly aroused as Smoke slurped up the tentacles, as was temmie and Offenderman. Big Smoke was satisfied. Not for long, however. "WHERE DA FOCK IS MAH SODA?!" Shrek hurried to the kitchen. He got a cup, a straw, and a plate. He drilled a hole in the plate and put the straw in. He fills the cup with water and holds the plate in it hard, he blows in the straw as hards as he could until the water is carbonated. He adds ice, coca cola cordial and a pinch of meth to the water. Temmie serves it to big smoke. "Thank you, ass hole." Smoke says and drinks the soda. "but....but....p!!!!!" Suddenly, Dwayne Johnson appeared and smacked Big Smoke. "OW" Smoke said and went flying across the room. "do you smell what the rock is cooking" "hes cookin yo ass" Big Smoke says and takes out his AK-47. As they fought, a female RED female pyro with giant tits seduced Shrek. Temmie set up a shop within the TARDIS during this. Finally, Dwayne was defeated. "DATS WAT U GET NIGGA" Smoke screams and smacks Dwayne. Dwayne accepts his fate but Big Smoke spares him. "u aint worth it fool" Smoke says and banishes Dwayne to Hell. Smoke takes some time to breathe and then gets back to his food. Temmie already had a line of customers, who had traveled from alternate dimensions upon hearing news that the Temmie had set up a shop. "hoI!!!! iZ temEie!!!!1" she says to a human with black clothing and glasses, and bushy hair. "I need to see Shrek." "oke, butz hiz havin sum relatonshiaps....." Temmie says and points to Shrek, that one trumpet porn song meme playing in the background. Shrek and the fempyro were slapping each other's asses. Rum-p'ta felt neglected, he wanted to know why shrek vomited his future corpse. Rum-p'ta yelled at Shrek. "What?... Oh yeah." Said Shrek, ceasing his SM play. "Why did you eat me Shrek?!" Rum-p'ta started tearing up. Shrek was spooked. The pyro was now somehow sucking Shrek off, with her gas mask still on. "Mmm." Said Shrek, thinking. "Drugs? Maybe Shrekamus?" A look of horror came upon Shrek's face. "You would not become a drecker would ya?" asked Shrek. "Of course not, but why the fuck would you fucking digest me and shit me out into a toilet?!" Shrek pondered. Hitler, tired of being ignored, jumped onto Shrek's feminine, gas mask wearing, and spandex wearing pyro and made sweet lovins. Shrek was angered by Hitler's arrogance. "NEIN" Hitler roared as he camed into the mercenary. He made her orgasm 90000000 times faster than Shrek. It was one thing to take someone's girl, it was another thing totally to be a better lay than her boyfriend. "It's time for some Shrek-Assault magic." Growled Shrek.Hitler and shrek prepared to duel. Everyone gathered around to watch. "Fight! Fight!" They all chanted, even Rum-p'ta.Hitler took a jab at Shrek's ass. Hitler was jumpin around all WWE like. Shrek slapped him. Hitler brushed it off and ripped Shrek's ballsack off. Hitler roared in triumph, waving the ballsack like a flag, but the joy was short lived, for shrek had a trick he always wanted to try. He started making signs with his hands while saying strange syllables, like in Naruto. Hitler, confused, vomited live squirrels in an effort to understand this. By performing the ninja magic, called kuji-in, Shrek gained the power to split into three Shreks for about half an hour. Hitler threw his orange Nazi outfit off and revealed he was wearing samurai armor. He put on those metal head plate things in Naruto, it had the swastika on it. He then preformed the Six Paths Sage Mode. The three Shreks gang up on Hitler, aiming to dick-kick him. Hitler ran through them, grabbing their hearts. They then fell dead. After he felt Shrek learned his lesson and turned back to one person. He and the Tito Dickman baby put his heart back.Shrek was confused. How could he lose so easily? Suddenly, Big Smoke moaned and ejaculated a ship filled with Combine soldiers. The soldiers left the ship, their armor was made of dog chow and their guns were made of dinosaur poop. Suddenly, Professor Scoots appeared through a portal. He dropped a vial of liquid on the floor. It was an incomplete philosophers stone. A couple of rats came over and licked it. They then turned into golden Lickers, as it the serum had small amounts of the t-virus in it. Meanwhile, outside of the TARDIS, the Doctor and friends were still waiting. They had set up camp near the TARDIS. The planet had been taken over by Hitler, his Kyber Crystal son being king, turning the planet into a giant Nazi warship. He still accepted saving species, however. Hitler has disappeared into the TARDIS, however. Shrek and Tito were still inside. It had been six months. The Doctor was sitting on a log, hovering a stick, hundreds of leeches skewered on it, onto the fire, slow roasting it. The Operator was carving his symbol into all the logs, and this annoyed the Doctor. "I barely remember why we came." Said Rum-p'ta. The Operator paused in thought. "We were going to Earth weren't we?" He said. "Yes." Said the Doctor as a leech exploded it's hot blood into his right eye."AH SHIET" the 11th Doctor screams. MedicalMan, a Slender who was an expert in the medical field, jabbed his eye out and replaced it with a glass eye. He could see tiny people in it, but MedicalMan assumed it was because of his acid trip. Pavitr Prabhakar, Peter Parker's Indian cousin, web swung into the area and stole the Doctor's roasted leeches, as his webbing was powered by leeches. "Get fucked!" Shouted the Doctor as he tried shooting the Spiderman with his screwdriver, but failed. The Operator laughed, this was a mistake. The Indian Spider Man laughed as he swung away. Suddenly, a vortigaunt sneaked up behind the Operator.The Operator felt unsafe, the doctor knew that the vortiguant was there, but wanted the operator to be surprised.The Doctor was still on the ground, but had the biggest shit eating grin in the multiverse and was staring at the Operator.The vortiguant tasered the operator in the balls. He screamed like a little girl.Suddenly, the Doctor tried to stab the Operator. "what the flying fuck noodles" Operator screamed and slapped the Doctor. "Why?!" Operator asked. The vortigaunt was now moonwalking away. "I've been possessed by HABIT- No lol" The Doctor said. He could resist HABIT, but only for a short time. Suddenly, Sanic arrived with super speed. xxXSUPERSWAGGAMERWEED420Trade.TFXxx and Spodermen joined him. "wot the fok r u doin m8" Asked xxXSUPERSWAGGAMERWEED420Trade.TFXxx to HABIT. "oh fuck" says HABIT, and fled, still in the Doctor's body. "come here you little faggot" says xxXSUPERSWAGGAMERWEED420Trade.TFXxx and him and Sanic ran over to him. Spodermen wub swung to him. xxXSUPERSWAGGAMERWEED420Trade.TFXxx pulled out a solid gold AWP that had weed stickers all over it, it was irradiated with the ancient magic art known as MLG, and 360 quickscoped The Doctor/HABIT. "Get fucking rekt m80" says xxXSUPERSWAGGAMERWEED420Trade.TFXxx. "MOM GET THE CAMERA" "OHHHHHH OHHHHHH" "OH MY GOD OHHHHHHH" "OH BABY A TRIPLE" was screamed in the background by bystanders. HABIT was still on the move. "Shrek, aid me in defeating HABIT!" Beseeched the Doctor in anguish. The Operator was on the ground, holding his balls. Shrek was still in the TARDIS, he couldn't hear him. HABIT had already completely taken over the Doctor, and turned him into HABIT's evil/funny/sick/spooky/Joker/killer/spooky self. Rum-p'tah considered using the cheese. He shot HABIT with the cheese AK-47, the Doctor becoming a cheese statue. He fell over and broke into a billion pieces. Everyone except the Operator was heartbroken. The slendermen prepared to resurrect the Doctor like that time with Shrek. HABIT then possessed one of the Slenders, and the Doctor's remains were eaten by a rat.Shrek assaulted the HABIT slender. Meanwhile the rat exploded and a cheese based doctor sprung forth. "Morning?" He said. Shrek, realizing he was in the TARDIS, teleported back and these memories were erased. HABIT tried to stab the Doctor. The Doctor used his screwdriver to somehow stop HABIT with sound. HABIT, transferring into a new body (Rum-p'ta), grabs the screwdriver and swallows it. HABIT laughs maniacally. The screwdriver was on vibrate however.This made him orgasm.Suddenly, Guy Fieri appeared. He took a giant chicken wind and slurped it up. HABIT assaulted Guy. Guy slapped him and tasted one his meals. "Mmmmm, the textures are great, it has a nice crunch, it's fucking delicious, and it makes my wiener hard, k?" He said and slurped up HABIT's fresh made ramen covered in a thick blood sauce. HABIT felt disrespected by having his food stolen, so he kicked guy in the balls. While this happened Shrek began his plan to destroy HABIT. Chad Kroeger appeared and sang Hero in the background while the two fought. Shrek had forgotten this plan as he was in the fucking TARDIS and couldn't hear shit."AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO COULD SAVE US" Chad screeched as Guy slapped HABIT and slurped his penis off. "Mmm, very moist and chewy, perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked..." Guy said. HABIT roared in rage, guy punched him again. The slendermen had a plan. Guy took a dildo and tried to choke the HABIT-possesed Operator. In the TARDIS, Shrek was battling the Lickers with a wooden chair. Scoots was trying to retrieve the spilled liquid with his floppy, long, and hard test tube. A lusty argonian maid was sucking off Big Smoke as he tried to shoot the Lickers with his sniper rifle. Suddenly, a bunch of Enclave soldiers appeared, wielding plasma rifles and were covered in bullet proof Nuka Cola bottles. They fired at the Lickers. "Thanks." Said Shrek. Scoots finally got all the liquid in to the tube. A Licker grabbed Scoots by the leg with its tongue. Scoots screamed in confusion. Meanwhile, the Doctor was humping a plate of lasagna. Shrek punched out the lickers brain. The brain grew legs and shot Shrek in the anus. Shrek died. Suddenly, the entire TARDIS exploded and everyone flew out of the debris and landed on the now-snowing planet. Guy was still fist fighting HABIT. Suddenly, three spaceships land and shoot concussion lasers at HABIT. They were trumpian ships, MARK-6 was on board. Suddenly, more ships arrived. They weren't trumpian ships this time. MARK-6 hopped off and ran with super speed to the local strip club while his soldiers secured the area.The men in the other ships wore SWAT-like armor but with a strange symbol on their suits, and white uniforms. One of them stuck a syringe in the Operator, sucking HABIT out. They then went back to the ship and flew away. "Who are you?" Asks the Operator.. "Who are you talking to" asks the Doctor.. "The soldiers." "They're gone what are you fucking high" Guy asked. Suddenly, a soldier appeared. "That's classified" he then died. Le suddenly small text Suddenly, Harambe appeared. Everyone got their dicks out for him as a sign of respect, except rum-p'ta and the slendermen, for they were ignorant of Harambe. Harambe, disgusted, shoots at them with an ak-47, which he was strong enough to use like a handgun. Rum-p'ta dodged the bullets, the slendermen ignored them, for they are immune.. Harambe roared and grabbed Rum-p'ta, preparing to stick it up his monkey ass. Shrek punched Harambe in the hairy balls, making him roar. Shrek regretted hitting his friend, but he had to protect Rum-p'ta. Meanwhile, the Doctor was opening a portal to another universe in order to escape. "Run, run!" Shouted the Doctor, beckoning everyone. They got into the TARDIS and flew into the portal. Harambe roared at the TARDIS and tried to grab on, but failed. The portal shut. He roared and fell to his knees, crying. Winston from Overwatch approached him and patted him on the back. Meanwhile, the lifeless husk of the TARDIS sat still on a road populated by crashed cars and corpses. Someone was banging at the doors, trying to get out. "Clementine, get behind me..." A black man with a goatee, a blue shirt, and a hunting rifle said to the little girl beside him. The slendermen offered to open the door to see who it was, Rum-p'ta readied the cheese. The door burst open, tentacles peaking out. The man mouthed a "what the fuck" "Hello." Said a slendermen before the man shot at him. The Slenderman caught the bullet with his non existent teeth and turned it into a gold bar. The man decided to run away with Clementine when something worse blocks his path. Jimbles Notrombo with a squadron of mind controlled zombies/walkers. "Oh shit!" He yells and falls back, dropping his rifle. "Clem, run!" He yells to her and tries to grab the rifle. "I am doing the human rights violations." Stated Jimbles before ordering his zombies to attack, he also readied his ak-47. Lee struggled, but finally grabbed his rifle. He fired at Jimbles, but collateral headshot two walkers. A zombie tried to bite his leg but he kicked it away. He got up and ran with the little girl. Jimbles fired randomly at Lee, just for shits, but then he noticed that shrek was standing at the door of the TARDIS. Jimbles had fought both Shrek and his followers many time, though he was no follower of Drek or Shrekamus. Shrek saw the murderer of his cultists and roared. He jumped over to Jimbles and ripped his Hershey kisses hair off. Lee was using the TARDIS as cover, with Clementine hiding behind a car in the road. Suddenly, a walker (cut in half) crawls towards her. She squeaks. "CLEMENTINE!" Lee shouts. Lee kicked it but it wasn't enough, so offenderman came and assaulted it until it crawled away. Meanwhile Jimbles shot Shrek in the kneecaps, then got his enslaved walkers to gang up on Shrek. Jimbles also put up a force field to protect himself. Lee, terrified and confused, still pushed out a "thank you" to Offenderman. The Doctor ran out of the TARDIS, and used his sonic screwdriver on Jimbles. His forcefield fell, his gun jammed, and his army of walkers fell to the ground. "Hey! No fighting!" said Elmo who then had his guts ripped out from his anus by Jimbles. Jimbles used his jetpack to get higher in the air, then activated the portal to the VHOGIMAT so he could escape. Suddenly, a portal to Hell replaced THAT portal without Jimbles noticing. But his robo-dog Dodart, who was hiding, did. Godart warned Jimbles. "What this? A portal of going to the hell?" ask Jimbles. Godart nodded. Jimbles slapped the dog for lying. "This is egg for the doing of going to of the mcdonaldland" says Jimbles with pride. Godart did his best to convince Jimbles that it was a portal to hell, even using a daedric energy detector. Jimbles did not believe him. He entered the portal, expecting hamburgers, but was suddenly captured by the tentacles of Cthulhu. Scoots peaked out of the TARDIS, his magical sombrero shivering. Godart barked sadly, then used the correct portal to enter the VHOGIMAT so he could save Jimbles. "Lee, where the fuck are ya?" Kenny yelled, running from the forest. "Kenny?" Lee asked himself. "We heard Clementine scre.....what the fuck?" And this was when Ken saw the TARDIS, hundreds of corpses, Shrek, and a robot dog opening a portal. "Hey laddeh." Said Shrek as he waved at Kenny. "W...what?" Kenny muttered, utterly confused and backing away with his rifle in hand. Someone ran up to him, wielding a revolver. "Lee- what the shit" it was Rick Grimes, who was staying in Lily's base for a while. Lee pointed to the TARDIS, Grimes was shocked. "Who...Who are you?" Rick asks."I'm Shrek, and this is Rum-p'ta, the slendermen, Scoots, and of course the Doctor." "WHY IS SHREK REAL" Kenny screamed, his life was a lie. Lee ran over to him and comforted him "Don't worry, we musta snorted too much meth last night". Offenderman didn't like his existence doubted, not did the other slendermen. They assaulted them to convince them of their reality. They both screamed in terror, but the Doctor jumps in front of them. "No more violence today, assholes!" He yells and aims his screwdriver at them. The screwdriver hurts their ears. Shrek pooped. He roared, trying to push a giant load of crap out of his ass. "That's disgusting." Said everyone. "The TARDIS does have a toilet you know." Says the doctor. "Watch me whip watch me nae nae" says Shrek. "That is it." Said the dmdoctor, he got his sonic screwdriver and shot it at Shrek. It caused great pain to Shreks ears, wax flowed from them. Lee and Grimes where sitting on the ground, having mental breakdown. Rum-p'ta decides to comfort the men. "It's OK, these things happen alot in our group." Says Rum-p'ta." WELL THATS WHY I DON'T WANNBE APART OF IT ASSHOLE" Rick screamed.A Lee looks at Rum-p'ta and asks him a question. "Are..are you military?" Rum-p'ta laughed psychotically before saying "No. We are more of a private enterprise that does quests." "So you're...survivors?" Meanwhile Kenny was thinking about boats. Rum-p'ta thought for a moment then said "I guess you could say that, we've been through a lot." "Do you have any food? Our group is fucking starving, and we only have a few bags left." Lee asked, hopeful that Clementine can finally eat. "Yes, we have food. He guys, can these men have food?" Shrek and the Doctor were to busy fighting to the death to hear. But Scoots came to them with tacos. MARK-6 heard of this, and grabbed some cases full of Trumpian issue emergency MREs. Big Smoke took some Burger Shot burgers and a bag of Cluckin' Bell fried chicken. "Holy shit, we can last three more months with this! Thank you!" Kenny shouted, falling out of his boat trance. Suddenly, Shrek pooped in the Doctor's mouth. This sent the doctor into a never before seen fit of rage. His body begun to temporarily grow more muscle. The doctor punched shraks balls, he then started biting Shrek. Shrak screamed in agony, falling. Shrek was angry as fuck because of this. He ripped the Doctor's head off, avenging Shrak. This. Was a retarded thing to do, as this prompted him to regenerate into the 12th Doctor. The slendermen began to intervene. As this would set back events millions of years in the past, the slenders stuck all of their tentacles into his anus in an effort to stop this. But they figured out he wasn't actually regenerating when they pulled out a piece of a metal out of his ass. They all then looked into his eyes. "Ello!" The actual 11th Doctor said, with a wide grin on his face, with Captain Carter and his crew behind him. The Doctor had been a Teselecta. "Aaahhh!" Shouted Shrek in surprise. "Activate all weapons." Said the doctor to Captain Carter.The robotic Doctor raised it's arms at Shrek, and his finger tips became hydrogen bombs. "No Doctor, you will doom us all!" Shouted Rum-p'ta. The Doctor fired the bombs, them landing in Shrek's mouth. This made Shrek explode, blood painting everybody, flaps of skin and bits of flesh, etc. He had sacrificed himself. Lee and Grimes were horrified that a character from a family movie had died. Scoots slapped the tesselecta. "You are stupid, I will steal your sandwiches!" Scoots says and flips the machine off. "Woah, that skin would make a mighty fine boat color..." Kenny said outloud. Mark 6 has felt the death of the God. He fell to his knees, and cried out. Suddenly, things around them started disappearing. "Shrek has died, the universes cannot take it! They're collapsing! This is why Shrek ate you Rum-p'ta, to stop this from happening!" "Just because I told the doctor not to kill Shrek?" Said Rum-p'ta, incredulous. "No, because you're the reason Shrek is here! If you haven't bought that statue, none of this would have ever happened." "What? No! That can't be it, how can he eat me in the future if he just died?" Asked a crying Rum-p'ta. "Yeah." Said Lee in support. "A Shrek from another universe." Said Kenny. "what you know about shrek nigga" asked Big Smoke. "I like boats." Kenny replied. "Not good enough, Kenny." Says Big Smoke as he pistol whips Kenny, then jumps on him. Grimes attacks Big Smoke, punching him in the pancreas."Oh shit" Big Smoke screams. Kenny pulls out a salt licker and drops it on Big Smoke's head. Rum-p'ta notices the decaying reality around him and turns to the slendermen, who were staring at the decaying reality as well. "Can't you resurrect Shrek again!" He asks. "It would take hours to piece him back together. We don't have that much time." One of them says through telepathy. Suddenly, however, a DeLorean with a TARDIS stuck to the top appears, leaving a trail of fire behind it. "Get the fuck in." Shouts Father Pooper. The Slendermen comply and drag the android/spaceship Doctor to the car and threw him in the trunk for save keeping. "I'm gonna go, Lee. You watch after Clementine, you hear me?" "Kenny, you can't go!" "I loved the Back to the Future movies, I can't lost this opportunity. I'll probably be back in like twelve minutes." "But-" "Boats." "okay" Category:Blog posts